The Host

  You semi-forget the event is in your diary, until a week before having received a number of texts saying “what can I bring?”...”really looking forward...”, you leap off your feet and get your arse into gear. Cleaning,gardening, preparing the shopping list, then realising there are more guests than originally thought, and so preparing a second shopping list...and a third...worrying who you haven't invited, numbers, the WEATHER (particularly for my English readers), its all on the mind.

   The day before you frantically work, clean, polish, sweep, in order to enable a slight lay-in for the big day, so that you are fully ready for the party...midnight strikes and you have just about finished. You think it is all done, you think you can be chilled the next morning before the guests arrive, leisurely get prepared with little left to do, but NO. RUSH RUSH RUSH. The weather has failed you. What can you do now that wont get mouldy before the guests arrive? What do you need to do full stop? Too much to do, or is there? No, I think you're all done, everything set....OH LORDY, you're still in your pyjamas!! In five minutes you are miraculously ready. Looking half like a scarecrow who has been dragged through a field backwards and half OK, you sit down. Annnnnd breathe...
  The guests arrive, bringing all sorts of wondrous concoctions... that all require space in the fridge, THERE IS NO ROOM IN THE FIRDGE, cook a pizza to make space, BURN THAT PIZZA! The rain pours, but then the sun comes out, all the while you are lobbing a whole lot of wine down your neck. The phrase “Who wants a drink” turns into “whosh wantssaaa drinkisik”, utter “gobledy gook”, as the afternoon becomes evening, your hospitality lessens as the drunkenness increases. You are a lady and you look into your hand to find a can of Ale, you're a man and there is a cartoon of Blackcurrant ,and you look to your children who are pouring themselves a Gin and Tonic, what is going on?! The “one for the road”'s started about three hours ago, and still the phrase is being repeated over and over, until the last few guests stumble out of your gate. You sit down having had a splendid time, and you wonder why your garden is spinning, bed time calls, the clearing up can wait until morning.

   The bottle bank goes 'clink' 'clink' 'clink'- it is heard in the next village, town, city! The smell of beer makes you dizzy and the sight of the number of wine bottles consumed is just vile. The only pleasure is the left over desserts in the fridge.

   Aaaaaand sleep.....
(Not that this, in any way, shape or form, is written from past experience, AT ALL!)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Now to do what I do best, drink 4 bottles of Chablis and flash my freckly bangers" - The Windsor's

Image
The Windsor's - a hilariously inappropriate television series. It is a comedic and exaggerated representation of the younger generations  (I don't think they dared include HM The Queen)  of the Royal Family and one that I would highly recommend.  I was first told to watch the series by my Dad who,  after observing a discussion  between my sister and I about our futures,  strongly felt that  we were Beatrice and Eugenie, no question. On the show, these two represent every aspect of the typical 'living off daddy' type. The Verruca Salt to the Royal Family and quite frankly Daddy, they unreservedly do want another pony. Played by Ellie White and Celeste Dring, the two have constant wild and fluffy plans for their lives, coming out with questionable knowledge (dumb statements) and discovering that a full time job consists of more than three days a week for two hours each day. Oblivious to reality and having never worked a day in their lives, ...
Read more

Music grounds you wherever you go.

Image
More than once have I been asked the question 'would you rather be deaf or blind,' and I always, always answer - blind. Obviously I've never had to genuinely consider this as I'm lucky to have the gift of all of my senses and never would wish the loss of them on anybody, but my main reason for answering this question in such a way is down to music and the importance that it has in my life. Not a day goes by when I don't listen to music. When I'm driving, while getting ready, while writing, on my walk to work, and many more. It features in my day to day life quite significantly and this is for all kinds of reasons. Music gets me going. Upbeat tracks give me energy and put me in a happy mindset to begin each new day with. Whatever I might be driving to, whether it's a friends house or an important meeting, I will step out of that car having sang my heart out on the country roads and I will be feeling good about everything. It motivates me to write more, wr...
Read more

United on a train...

  English public transport is always an experience. Whatever time of day, no matter what type of people are in the same cabin, I always feel I'm shouting on the phone even if I'm uttering but a whisper! No matter how I'm feeling, in the happiest of moods, I always feel I look like the world is against me (probably the bored looks on everyone else's face rubbing off). And no matter how organised I am with my schedule, I always find myself sprinting for at least one of the trains.   But whilst travelling the other day to London, I found that trains can be eye openers, too. Think I'm weird? Listen up...   I was in a small cabin, with no more than 10 people with me...the announcement came that the train was about to depart and the doors were shutting. All was well until we found that our door was a 'wrongun' ! It shut half way, then clattered a bit, making a racket that could not be tolerated at 1 AM on a Saturday night, let alone 9 o'clock on a Sun...
Read more