How I picture my cool, sassy dancing compared to the messy reality...

  So I have tried something different in this post and I came up with the idea when struggling to focus on some Uni work and listening to loud music – a true procrastination invention. I often dance, I love to dance and especially when I have had some form of alcoholic beverage in my system but also when completely sober. I mean who doesn't have a little jig whilst getting ready in the morning?! Or any time of day really, whilst hoovering, washing up... in fact there is never a time when it is not acceptable. So the following piece has been inspired by me blasting Mark Morrison 'Return Of The Mack' into my eardrums and simply just writing. While writing I am imaging me dancing both drunk and sober, how it looks in my eyes and how it most probably looks to everybody else. I have morphed these thoughts into a drunken scenario in a club, just so that it had some kind of structure.

  Hips flowing I strut into the club, body roll to the bar and shimmy in to get served first. While waiting for this service to commence, I casually jig on the spot, the sort of movement that catches the gentleman's eye. A subtle but not too forward approach, loosely moving my body. Having ordered and received my beverage, I turn to the dance floor with a hip shuffle and proceed to head forward and mark my spot. I do this with smooth elegance and so much swag to the point that when I reach the dance floor people move aside to let me into the middle. In this central spot I twist and turn, shuffle and twerk ( where it is appropriate ) as well as quietly miming every word to the quickest rap song, perfectly...

HARRIET, WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?!...

  Hips all over the place, arms flying here, there and everywhere and struggling to walk in my heels, I stumble to the bar knocking Tom, Jack and Harry over as I go, along with their drinks. Upon reaching the bar with a sigh of relief and holding tight onto the solid wooden plank, I make it on both feet and order my beverage. More embarrassment occurs when it is the clubs 90s night and without realising I re-sight every word to S Club 7 'Reach for the Stars' at the top of my voice. People stare at me thinking 'yeah, you really shouldn't admit that love'. A slightly cooler song comes on, 'This Is How We Do It' by Montell Jordan, and my dance moves have progressed to beyond bad. Arms are in the air clicking at the top and a flag-like movement as if I'm performing some sort of Mexican wave, slowly brings them to my hips. How I think this looks good is unexplainable. Three hours have past and it is now three in the morning and I am among the last twenty to leave the club, centre of the dance floor giving it my all. That's the reality.

  Hope you have enjoyed this post – and now my ears are ringing!!