Stress: can we ever shake it?
I've just got in from a morning by the pool in Florida while my friend is at uni (college in translation) and I've been thinking about the notion of stress. Now, I know that I have a tendency to irrationally freak out a lot compared to so many people in my life who's chilled out ways are something that I aspire to, but I've actually come to the conclusion that we humans, we'll always find something to worry about.
I guess you are now thinking how on earth I of all people has anything bothering me, living the dream and traveling the world, huh? Well, I'm not going to irritate everyone back home slogging away at work, but there certainly have been moments. These usually end in me laughing at my stupidity and looking at my surroundings, reminding myself of the amazing things I'm experiencing, but they've been there.
Some are practical. I mean, mostly this is laughable. The practicalities of sunbathing - when to turn, when to go in the shade, have I remembered sunscreen? The planning and logistics of it all. Will I get to that place in time for my flight? Visas? Getting from airports to hotels. Though I've remained surprisingly calm through it all, some stress has been there. Also, and I know I'm on holiday in the most wonderful places, but danger is still around too and my country bumpkin roots will never leave me. A lot of people said to me before I left or since I've been out here how brave I am. Truth is, I'm not brave at all. I'm a total wimp and though most scenarios have been exaggerated inside my head, this world is not a safe place so traveling around alone on subways and flights that sound as though they've crashed before they've even set off can be kind of daunting.
Others are unadjustable. This is the part where I worry about things that I can't guaranteed. This is where I overthink my future. I have so much extra time on my hands while I'm here that thoughts can get carried away. I fret about jobs and how much pressure is going to be on me/how much I know I'll put on myself when I'm home and the pile of applications I'll have to do. I trouble my mind with timescales and begin trawling through job sites, writing more articles so I feel like I'm working and looking at others to see what they're doing before stopping myself and slowing down to enjoy the here and now. I even go as far as "what if I'm still single in a year, two, three? How will I ever afford to move out?" All of which, right now, I can't solve. Right now, it doesn't matter. Even when I'm home I won't get exact answers, I just know what needs to be done. But right this moment, while I'm exploring America, New Zealand and Australia, I wish these thoughts would go away.
A few are emotional. I won't ever be able to get rid of the care and attachment that I have for people. An earlier post I've written is about never being alone and that's true with this topic too. My thoughts are always elsewhere, mostly happily remembering times that make me smile, but sometimes I just worry. Worry about friends back home and things going on. People I haven't heard from, I worry how they are. I worry if I said the right thing, still, from weeks ago. Worry how drunk I was that last night I was in the local pub. You get the gist.
I've spent the last three years of my life at uni having a blast, don't get me wrong, but never too far from a few anxieties. There were the usual essay and work load conundrums, the big dissertation at the end where stress levels escalated to an all time high, not to mention that there was all of the above too. Even at school, though I had even less to worry about, I still managed to get my thoughts mixed up occasionally. I know that this will remain the case throughout my twenties, 'the best years of your life', where though I will be having fun, there will always be things on my mind.
But I also know that this'll be the case throughout my entire life. Nothing is ever perfect, but it's all still great. You'll always have something going on but it's whether you choose to let it eat away at you, to solve it, or forget it for the time being and enjoy the beautiful moment. I'm not saying my life is difficult, just find it comical how much I find to worry about. I know over years of practice I'll get better at this and be able to worry less and live more, but for the time being I'm OK with worrying too much and still managing to thoroughly enjoy life, fully aware of the irrational nightmare that I can be.
I guess you are now thinking how on earth I of all people has anything bothering me, living the dream and traveling the world, huh? Well, I'm not going to irritate everyone back home slogging away at work, but there certainly have been moments. These usually end in me laughing at my stupidity and looking at my surroundings, reminding myself of the amazing things I'm experiencing, but they've been there.
Some are practical. I mean, mostly this is laughable. The practicalities of sunbathing - when to turn, when to go in the shade, have I remembered sunscreen? The planning and logistics of it all. Will I get to that place in time for my flight? Visas? Getting from airports to hotels. Though I've remained surprisingly calm through it all, some stress has been there. Also, and I know I'm on holiday in the most wonderful places, but danger is still around too and my country bumpkin roots will never leave me. A lot of people said to me before I left or since I've been out here how brave I am. Truth is, I'm not brave at all. I'm a total wimp and though most scenarios have been exaggerated inside my head, this world is not a safe place so traveling around alone on subways and flights that sound as though they've crashed before they've even set off can be kind of daunting.
Others are unadjustable. This is the part where I worry about things that I can't guaranteed. This is where I overthink my future. I have so much extra time on my hands while I'm here that thoughts can get carried away. I fret about jobs and how much pressure is going to be on me/how much I know I'll put on myself when I'm home and the pile of applications I'll have to do. I trouble my mind with timescales and begin trawling through job sites, writing more articles so I feel like I'm working and looking at others to see what they're doing before stopping myself and slowing down to enjoy the here and now. I even go as far as "what if I'm still single in a year, two, three? How will I ever afford to move out?" All of which, right now, I can't solve. Right now, it doesn't matter. Even when I'm home I won't get exact answers, I just know what needs to be done. But right this moment, while I'm exploring America, New Zealand and Australia, I wish these thoughts would go away.
A few are emotional. I won't ever be able to get rid of the care and attachment that I have for people. An earlier post I've written is about never being alone and that's true with this topic too. My thoughts are always elsewhere, mostly happily remembering times that make me smile, but sometimes I just worry. Worry about friends back home and things going on. People I haven't heard from, I worry how they are. I worry if I said the right thing, still, from weeks ago. Worry how drunk I was that last night I was in the local pub. You get the gist.
I've spent the last three years of my life at uni having a blast, don't get me wrong, but never too far from a few anxieties. There were the usual essay and work load conundrums, the big dissertation at the end where stress levels escalated to an all time high, not to mention that there was all of the above too. Even at school, though I had even less to worry about, I still managed to get my thoughts mixed up occasionally. I know that this will remain the case throughout my twenties, 'the best years of your life', where though I will be having fun, there will always be things on my mind.
But I also know that this'll be the case throughout my entire life. Nothing is ever perfect, but it's all still great. You'll always have something going on but it's whether you choose to let it eat away at you, to solve it, or forget it for the time being and enjoy the beautiful moment. I'm not saying my life is difficult, just find it comical how much I find to worry about. I know over years of practice I'll get better at this and be able to worry less and live more, but for the time being I'm OK with worrying too much and still managing to thoroughly enjoy life, fully aware of the irrational nightmare that I can be.
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